What defines sex?

Before I got involved in all kinds of relationship issues, (not mine, but my friend's issues), I always thought that sex was the biggest deal, or deal breaker in a relationship. In my opinion having sex, meant a relationship and vice versa. Everyone was talking about the first time as if it was a big deal, and of course we as virgins, hoped it was. Because we saw all kinds of beautiful things in movies and imagined it to be beautiful and perfect.

As you already may have noticed in my little introduction, this is no longer how I think of sex. And I might be right when I say, that I'm not the only one.

One by one, my friends had sex for the first time and experienced it as: not so good and not so perfect as in movies. All of them told me not to expect too much, but of course I did; I was a girl that enjoyed watching romantic comedies, believed them and still hoping for it to be true. I would be the exception. (isn't that what all of us women think?) 

I have already told you, my dear friend, about my first time and how it wasn't perfect, but also not horrible, but since that day, and maybe already before, I see sex and relationships as two completely different things. How come you may ask? Well.. I'll tell you. 

At the beginning of a relationship everything is exciting and bit scary. The first time is special, of course. But after that, when there's nothing new to explore in terms of sex, does that mean your relationship is about to die? I don't think so. Sex can get boring when you can only do it with only one and the same person, when you're done experimenting, and rather go to sleep than have sex with your partner. It is commonly known that the fire dies after a period of time. But what if everything else seems perfect, except for the sex? Should you choose between either the relationship or the sex?

If you ask me; definitely not.

Sex is important in a relationship, but that's only because we make it that big if a deal. What if we only set our expectations high for the relationship, and when the sex is good, this will only be an extra advantage, not something necessary?

People often feel like they're imprisoned once they're in a relationship. All those other people you were never interested in, look so much more interesting at once. Let me tell you, when I'm on a diet, those donuts look so much more delicious, than when I'm not on a diet. But when I'm just eating healthy, and allow myself to eat a piece of chocolate once in a while, those donuts are not that interesting for me anymore.  

When people cheat, they often say: 'It meant nothing, my heart is yours' and all those kinds of things. What if that might be true and because simple lust, just the temptation that got a little to high, the best relationships come to an end? When I'm on a diet and I have a weak moment, I eat everything that's around me. I feel guilty afterwards and wish I had never done it. 

Don't get me wrong. I'm a full 100 per cent against cheating. I will never, ever justify a persons behavior when it involves cheating. The only thing what I'm trying to say, is that sex should not be the main factor in a relationship. When you decide, as a couple, that sleeping with other people is not an issue, and you both agree on that, there can be no cheating.

I have seen so many couples, wonderfully happy couples, that felt the need to break up, because they suspected their partner of cheating. Am I so out of line when I say that that could be different?

From the moment that I've had sex for the first time, I'm sure that sex doesn't necessarily involve love. You could say that I had a bad experience (not in my opinion) and it's not really fair of me to judge, since I have never really been in a real relationship, but I've seen so many people around me, broken hearted after one of them cheated, or got cheated on.

Sex doesn't define love. When the sex is bad, but the relationship is marvelous, why not take the risk, and look for sex somewhere else?

The (not so) blind date

So... I got a date. A blind date you could say. It's a friend, from my best friend's boyfriend. (read that again). The classical story of getting fixed up with your best friend's boyfriend's best friend. Oh boy.. can this ever go right?

Ever since my bestie has a boyfriend, she's trying to fix me up. She wants to the whole double dating thing, and the going on vacation together thing. And all I want is just going out, kiss some guys I have never seen before and will never see again and yet still have I agreed to do a double date. Why? Because I'm a good friend and ready for some action.

Hello all man in this little world. It is true. Women want sex just as much as you do. Ever since my first time I haven't slept with anybody. I didn't get te change since I have been very occupied with college, but now I think it's time. So I accepted the invitation. Does that make me a bad person? Probably not, because a lot of people do it. Does dat make me a slut? Maybe, but I've got needs, K?

In all honestly, I'm not very attracted to the guy. He's totally not my type, but ever since I knew about his existence and his will to date me, I can't help but fantasizing about it. I've never really done the dating thing, it makes me all nervous and insecure, but I'm sure that with a few drinks I will be all comfortable and fun.

So.. I still got some time to mentally prepare myself. But I don't think I ever will be. So I guess I just have to get mortal.

The bad friend

Macy and her boyfriend are together for three months. And as I told you before, they already had some issues. I really thought it wouldn't last but today I had some news. And for me it is bad news; they're moving in together.

Well hello. What happened with all these problems? Did they just vanished after they bought a coach together? Yes! They already bought a coach together. I can't believe it. I'm both sad and excited. Sad because she will live an hour away from me. She will live with her boyfriend (which makes sense when you move in together), which means that she will not have as much time for me as before. Excited because I know that this is what she wants and I want her to be happy.

Sometimes I think the worst things when I feel alone and she has no time for me. Then I hope they will break up so that everything will go back to normal again. I know that that would break her heart, so after I am rational again, I oblige myself to feel bad about it.

I know it's normal that when you're both single, you have loads of time together, and that that will change after one of you gets a boy or girlfriend. Especially in the beginning it was very hard and I felt sad, because we used to spend all our weekends together (now I haven't seen her in four weeks, just saying..).

I was okay with it, I got a little used to it, but now that I know that they're moving in together, I'm back in hating mode. I'm so frustrated and sad, but I know I have to get over myself.

I wonder when she will come with the news that they're having a baby. o m g

I have to stop hating about love. But I love being her friend and I feel her drifting away from me. -whine-

From friends to lovers, and vice versa

My friend Judy is in a relationship with her former best friend. They say that's the best foundation for a great relationship. Before they became lovers, there was no reason to assume in them becoming a couple. They talked to each other about their separate love lives and acted like them weird selves. There was no make-up or politeness involved. 

After a year of being the best of friends they where again talking about their boring love life. One of them was in a dead-end relationship and the other was single. It was saturday night, and while they were actually supposed to watch 'the other woman' that was on TV that night, they looked each other in the eye. They both knew what was going to happen. Both afraid, because if their relationship wouldn't work out, there friendship would also be ruined. They kissed. And not only kissed. They sealed there relationship upstairs in Judy's bed. And a golden couple was born. 

They had the best relationship. Nothing really changed. Only for them; they got the best sex life. They both knew exactly what the other person wanted, because they told each other when they still where friends. 

When I went for a coffee last week with Judy I still assumed that their relationship was perfect. Judy told me otherwise. The romance was gone. They still had sex, the good talks and the laughs, but it started to feel more like friends again. She was very upset. If she would break-up with him, she would not only lose her lover, but also her best friend. 

They went from friends to lovers, back to friends again. 

When I got home that night, I couldn't help but wonder, is it possible to be friends with an ex? I'm sure those kind of couples do exist. Who help each other to find a new match or who encourage each other to go on that date. But that's one out of a million. What happens with all the other exes? 

Judy and her boyfriend are still together, 'working on it'.