Fairy tales and monogamy

I'm one of the only singles in my group of friends. Yes, that has bothered me. On every social media platform, my friends shared their most beautiful love stories, photo's and statuses. It looked like everybody was happy and had completely forgotten about me.

It was not until one of my dear friends told me about her boyfriend being the worst kisser, not something you see on Facebook, Twitter or tumblr, but you have to meet up for to hear about. Was I that blind and naive to believe all the statuses?

Now I can't help but wonder, is it just social media that fools us these days, or is it our mind that tricks us into believing fairy tales? Every girl, and maybe also every boy, dreams of certain things in life, and as long as we think it exists, are we willing to believe in it?

The beautiful man, bit muscled, sweet, understanding and whit a goal in life. I want it to exists, I see him in every man I cannot get. So in my world, he still did, I just did not run into him yet.

It was until my dear friend Macy told me that monogamous relationships do no longer exist. Have they ever existed? I did not want to believe her. I mean, I was still waiting for mister perfect to run into my life. My mister perfect, the man I would marry, would not ever cheat on me. I mean.. I believed in it... But since she told me, I can't help but noticing all the flaws in every relationship.

Even my friends that are in a happy relationship are dreaming of other men. Or thinking about their life after their current boyfriend. There is no man, who does not watch other women. They call it pure lust, but as long as that is all that it is, how can it be cheating?

If it's true, if everyone is cheating, how can it be that that much couples break up after one of them sleeps with someone else? The only reason I can find is the lack of trust, the lying afterwards.

Wouldn't it be easier if we all just accept that monogamous relationships do not exist, have never existed, and never will. That we could sleep with whoever we want, but share love with the one you really love? It's just lust..

The one night stand

One of my very good friends threw a party ones. I am telling you, she's the best at throwing parties. The week before she told me about a hot guy she wanted to invite. I told her to do it.. and she did. It was her cousins ex. No-go zone, you would say, but at the beginning of the night they were already passionately kissing and touching each other shamelessly in front of all of the guests. I was drunk, everybody was drunk, we didn't think much of it. It was amazing. It was one of these parties you hear about, but never actually go to, parties you see on TV shows and in films. There was way to much to drink, people were nice to each other, there was music and there was a lot of kissing. I drank to much to early and only partied for two hours until I was already lying in my bed puking. This sounds like a Geordie Shore party, and that's exactly what it felt like.

I woke up in the middle of the night, still drunk, in the room of my friend. I heard something but was to drunk to understand what it really was. Later, when I woke up again, I figured out what this moaning was about. My dear friend was having sex with her cousins ex. She was having her very first one night stand with me in the room next to her.

The next day she told me everything, she really liked him. I was surprised; wasn't regret the appropriate emotion after a one night stand?

I couldn't help but wonder: is it possible to start a relationship with a person you already had sex with, before you really get to know him/ her. Now I know that it is possible. The friend and her cousin's ex are still together, and if I may believe her stories, she has never been happier.

I, myself, have experienced my first one night stand this weekend. Yes. Me, the 'first time should be special' kind of girl, had sex with a complete stranger. I can't tell that I feel any regret, nor butterflies like my friend. I was drunk, yes, I did not really think it through, but why not just do it when it feels good? (The fact that the guy told me he had a girlfriend afterwards is of course another story.)

In a few years, when I think about my life and all the big things that happened, this will probably not something I'll be proud of. But I'm young, I should have fun, right? I'm okay with the fact that I'll never see the guy again, and I'm okay with the fact that my first time wasn't very special. So I think other people should be too.

Mister perfect

Valentines day.. I bet every single creature on this planet thinks it is a day full of bull shit. I am single.. I think it's bullshit. I'm not sure wether it's about the fact that other people shove their relationships in your face, or if it's about all the broken promises life makes you. I mean, as a little girl I watched a lot of romantic movies, where they promise you that there's a perfect person for you. You just have to wait. You're the shy girl? The popular guy will fall in love with you! You're stunning, but can't seem to find a guy that wants you? After one and a half hour you will be married and live happily ever after.

So many broken promises. In secondary school I was the unpopular shy girl, with a few friends of my own kind. I had always been sure that the popular guy had a big crush on me. When I creepily stared at him during class, I sat there thinking about our grand-children, how we could tell them how the beauty and the nerd fell in love with each other, not thinking about all the 'rules'. How he first had a relationship with a cheerleader, but he always knew, deep down inside his heart how much he loved me. 

Was I really that naive? I lived by the rules of a romantic comedy that I saw on a girls night with all my single friends. I believed they would live happily ever after, after that one great kiss in the rain, in front of all of their friends. 

I try not to fall for these movies anymore, but how easy is it to believe in the perfect guy that will change for you. It's nice to believe that those kind of men do exist when you got -again- disappointed by a guy you once thought was different. Would we still look for mister perfect if it wasn't for these movies? Would we settle for less?

How social media runs our love lives.

Does it make me desperate? Waiting for an answer for a question I asked on Facebook chat.. Maybe, I mean probably. But I just can't help it. As soon as I say something to a certain someone I need a response right a way. First minute of waiting: hmmm, I could have said it in another way. Minute 2: god.. I definitely said it the wrong way.  Minute 3: I lost a friend. Minute 4: that's it, I can better move to another planet. I can go on like that, but that's just how my mind works. After the person replies, I will close the Facebook screen and wait for a few minutes before I respond, I do not wan't to look like a stalker, you know.

I am waiting for a reply know. And while typing this, I can't help but wonder, how impatient are people these days? We know how late we said a certain something, how late they received it, read it, and how late they were online. We get mad when people are not replying right away.

What's up with all these different types of communicating with each other, does it really make us more social or is it just a way, of being even more occupied with the idea of knowing what other people do. I have to admit that I can't go a day without checking twitter. I have to know what my friends do, with who and how they feel about it. This is horrible, because when I read about them having fun with someone else, the only emotion I feel, is jealousy. When there are no updates, I'm annoyed. I have to know what they do.

Has social media really brought some nice things? Probably. My dad always mentions the fact of getting in touch with people they used to know. But once you know their story there's nothing left interesting about their lives you want to know. And is there really something you want them to know about your life. Probably only the big things that make you feel happy and popular. But that's just not how things work.

Still waiting for a certain someone to reply. Time to leave.

February 15, 2014 - where it all began

When it comes to love, I am a newbie, a beginner, a NOOB. I am 18 years old, not hideous (at least that's what I hope) and ready for some love. But my friend tells my that I'm to picky when it comes to guys. Well hello, I'm not going out with a guy I don't like, or  when there's no click, or not my type... well okay, I can see her point now.

The problem is, I am ready for love! I am ready to feel butterflies in my stomach, to get nervous when someone gets to close, or to think about a person all day long, everyday. The last time I really was in love, has to be.. about.. 7 years ago. This guy really made my world spin. Unbelievable. Looking back, I WAS OBSESSED! I think I'm the stalkish-girl-in-love. Checking his hyves all the frickin time (something we used to have in Holland. Something like facebook), going on MSN to see if he's online. Gosh.. the time I spend on my computer those days.

Honestly, I was late with everything. I kissed for the first time when I was 16, almost 17, and the next time was almost a year later! I mean.. maybe it's not super late, but I know people who slept with someone for the first time when they were 14 or 15.

There are two types of people in this world. People who have sex when they're 15, have no problems with sharing their sexuality and don't think kissing and sex are a big deal. It's just a part of life, and when it feels good, why just not do it.

I'm not like that. Sometimes I wish I was, but no, it's just not me. I'm the other type. The more reserved type. When someone flirts, just not knowing what to do, and always the 'no'. No kissing, no touching, no sex. Well I do the kissing, because who doesn't like a good snog? Right?

The point of this blog you may ask? Being more aware of all the things I do. I always feel like the normal kind, but is there a normal kind? 

I'll keep you posted. 

Happy -late- valentines day